Disclaimer: same as previous.

All right, I know most of you think I'm dead – it's close enough to the truth – and have forgotten all about this fic, but fear not! 'Tis not dead! Well not quite anyways. Uni's been trying to kill me, those of you who have stumbled into my profile already know about this, and writing has been something that I just don't have time for. So hopefully this will keep you guys occupied for the next few months – winces, it'll most likely be that amount of time, if not more, before you see any more of this – until I can wrestle the muse into submission and find a good chunk of time where I can just sit down and write.

Okay this thing is unbetaed. Current beta is busy as hell and I don't have the time or the energy to go hunt down a willing victim. So please forgive all mistakes and typos, and point them out! Enjoy.

The Fine Art of Spying

“O-oh god,” he moaned huskily into the crisp air, fingers tightening spasmodically in soft silken locks.

Shifting ever so slightly, he rocked his hips up into the welcoming heat and groaned as strong deft hands clamped down to stop the movement. God damn it, he needed to move. He needed to move so badly. Lifting his pelvis against the tight grip, he bucked up and moaned breathlessly when the sweet wet heat contracted around him. The pair of glazed blue eyes staring at him coupled with the clever tongue working relentlessly on the thick vein of his member did little for his self control, and even though he knew he was gagging his lover with every desperate thrust he couldn't make himself stop. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he mindlessly repeated the motion.

Again and again and again.

“Yes,” he hissed, absently petting the head buried in his lap. The litany of encouragements spilled out of his mouth as he sank further into the waves of pleasure making his body sing and writhe.

This was good, this was beyond good. And as if hearing his thoughts, the wet confines of his lover's mouth clamped down around his cock and his back practically arched off the bed. Ragged moans filled the silent room and he panted desperately for air as his body burned.

“N-Naruto,” he whined, but that quickly turned into a soundless scream when the other's tongue dipped into the slit.

And he knew no more.

---

Was it just him, or were the dreams getting worse? Even though this dream wasn't as 'vigorous' as the previous one – he wasn't even sure if vigorous was a good word to be used in this context – it was becoming more detailed. Tiny little things that he wouldn't normally notice in the dream was starting to stand out and he had a feeling that it wasn't a good sign. Add to that he had uttered the moron's name, which was definitely not a good sign.

He rolled over onto his stomach and mashed his face into the overstuffed pillows. On the other hand, he thought wryly, his boxers were still relatively dry even if it was rather uncomfortable having his hard-on trapped between his stomach and the mattress. Turning back over, he scratched absently at his belly and decided that he was going to sleep off the effects. He wasn't ready to face the world, not after how badly yesterday's afternoon discussion went.

He was about to settle back into dreamland when there was a loud cough and a shrill whistle. It was so utterly unexpected, his head shot up and he found himself starring wide-eyed at an amused and leering Jiraiya.

Oh. My. God.” He hadn't sensed him at all. Stupid stupid!

“Indeed.”

The unholy grin stretched taut on Jiraiya's face widened impossibly, and when the old pervert started to waggle his eyebrows at him, Sasuke sat straight up and pulled his duvet around him. The sennin waved dismissively at his attempts at covering himself – not that he slept in the nude, but he didn't want the old man to be seeing any part of him – and sat on the end of the bed.

Did you know you talk in your sleep, brat?”

Oh fucking hell! All the blood drained out of his face and he was sure he looked like he had just had a rollercoaster ride through hell and back. He heard....

“Oh don't look like that, brat.” Jiraiya waved dismissively and settled himself more comfortably on the mattress. Well at least the Uchiha kid knew how to pick his mattresses. “The dreams are all part of what comes with the package, if you know what I'm saying.” He lifted his eyebrows up suggestively and smirked when the already pale kid turned green.

“You're a perfectly healthy male, and it's only natural that you – ”

“I am not having this conversation with you!” Sasuke screeched, and scrambled out of the bed, pulling the sheets with him. He yanked hard when the old pervert refused to get off the corner he was sitting on and uttered a string of curses that made the sennin's brows lift as he abandoned his coverings and sprinted for the bathroom before Jiraiya could see anything incriminating lurking underneath his boxers.

Rubbing his hands together, Jiraiya picked himself up and went to do a little investigating around the apartment. Know thy enemies, or in this case, know thy pupil. He might as well get to know his new student/protégé while the kid went to deal with his bodily needs.

He chuckled as he remembered some of the things that had left the Uchiha's lips and shook his head. Well at least he knew the brat could be inventive when the occasion called for it. He was starting to wonder if pairing Naruto with Sasuke was such a good idea, with the lack of similarities and all, but he was glad he'd been proven wrong. He wouldn't want his fun to end so soon.

---

Back to the shower again. The place of relaxation and contemplation. Sasuke scowled at the tile wall and wondered how much it would cost to replace the tiling if he decided to send his fist through it. He shook his head of the notion, knowing full well that his anger and frustration would most likely make the pervert more gleeful. He didn't need that on top of everything else that was wrong with his life.

Water sloshed down his back and he glanced down at himself to find that his erection was slowly dying. Well at least having that near-talk about the birds and the bees and the virility of a healthy young man was good for something. Smiling wryly, he grabbed the bar of soap and began to scrub at his skin.

He had been hoping that this whole training thing was some sort of sick joke, even if the Hokage had ordered him to train with Jiraiya there had still been a niggling hope that it was to scare him. But now that the stupid pervert was in his home and everything, Sasuke wondered if maybe it would be a good idea to take refuge in another town or city for a while until this all died down. Of course, there was the matter of being labelled a missing-nin if he did that, but nothing could be achieved without sacrifices right?

Entertaining the thought for longer than he should, he filed the option away and carefully washed around the area of the tattoo. Stupid bloody thing. He hissed when the pads of his fingers came a little too close to touching it. Stupid fucking pervert. Replacing the soap back into the holder and shuffled forward into the full spray of water.

Stupid stupid stupid. He let his eyes slip shut and wondered if he could maybe burn the tattoo off. If he clamped down hard on one of the katon techniques maybe he'd be able to burn off the top layer of skin and hopefully that would be enough to get rid of the brand. The idea stayed for all but a few handful of seconds before he shook his head free of it. He could already see the two perverts laughing their head off with glee at the very idea of him burning his own ass cheek to be rid of a god damn tattoo. He scowled. No, he'd wear the frickin' thing with dignity and show them!

.... and what about Naruto? Was the idiot also thinking up ways to get rid of the Uchiha fan from the small of his back? Sasuke wasn't sure if he liked that thought or not, and wasn't sure if he wanted to find out. The idea of someone other than him donning his family symbol was both comforting and terrifying, and the strangeness of it all was amplified when the wearer was Naruto.

Dazed blue eyes flashed across his thoughts and Sasuke cringed at the events that took place yesterday. He hadn't known at the time how the blonde was going to take his answer, but he hadn't really expected the question in the first place. Correction: he had been hoping the question would never come, but it did in the end and he had blurted out the first thing that came to mind. He didn't know...

It was a white lie; a lie so white it could've been black. But Naruto was supposed to leave it alone so they could go back to the way they were before this whole thing blew up in their – his mostly – faces, but Naruto being Naruto, Sasuke usually ended up with something new and surprising trying to bite his head off. And from what Sasuke could tell, Naruto seemed almost disappointed and confused by his answer, what with the way the blonde had paused, blinked and finally retreated out of his apartment with an excuse of needing to go meet Iruka.

He wasn't sure if he was faring any better. He was just as confused by the way Naruto had acted and the events that had taken place, and if he really wanted to do some poking around, disappointment was buried under the layers of confusion.

---

It seemed that leaving Jiraiya unattended was a very bad idea. Sasuke sighed in aggravation as he reluctantly followed the sennin to their appointed training area.

When he had gotten out of the shower – yes, he did shrivel up and turn into a prune – Jiraiya was still in his bedroom, idly reading one of the scrolls in his family's collection. He had shoved the man out and was glad that nothing seemed to be out of place, that was of course before his eyes landed on his night stand. The mini treasure hunt ensued.

The messily scrawled note led him to a box of 120-pack fruit flavoured condoms stashed in his night stand drawer. And really, the first thought that struck him should not have been 'They come in super-jumbo packs?', and following that 'Do they really taste like fruit?'. Then the question of how the old coot expected him to use 120 condoms in (here he had picked up the box and found the expiry date) three months whizzed through his mind. A minor calculation informed him that unless he had one point three three three three three times of sex per day in the next three months, or he could have sex more than once on some days, he would not be able to finish the box by the allotted time. Then finally he had asked why he would be needing condoms in the first place.

Sasuke guessed that he should've been glad the final question did come up at some point, but he was disgruntled that it wasn't the first thing that had popped into his head. His annoyance had been short lived as his eyes strayed from the box to the little bottle next to it. Heat had prickled his cheeks and he quickly shut the drawer to hide the bottle of melon-scented lube.

Muttering curses and death threats, he had marched over to his chest of drawers, pulled open the one that had his boxers and deeply regretted the action. There on top of his neatly folded pairs of boxers were a replacement pair of fluffy handcuffs and a flat box. Glaring dubiously at the innocent looking white cardboard, he gingerly picked it up and opened it.

Edible underwear. There was edible underwear nestled on his boxers. His eyebrows had tried to climb off his face and take refuge in his hair.

And then everything happened in a whirlwind of motion as he violently grabbed a pair of boxers before slamming the drawer shut, got some clothes on and ran out of the apartment with Jiraiya chuckling evilly in tow.

His fists clenched and nails bit angrily into his palms. Glaring death at the old man's back, Sasuke hoped whichever women's bath – what other training area was Jiraiya going to take him to? – they were heading to had a horde of ugly manly women who were going to beat the shit out of the pervert. He would even endure a few punches – he may have betrayed Konoha before, but he did not hit the female kind – if it would bring the evil tyrant down.

Inwardly cackling at the mental images, Sasuke almost missed Jiraiya suddenly halting and nearly walked right into the sennin. Cursing silently at being distracted, he opened his mouth and was about to mutter a retort of some sort when it clicked that they had reached their destination.

The beginning of the penultimate leg of his journey towards a lifetime in the pervert-hood loomed ahead, and Sasuke would give an arm and a leg – hell the whole of his liver even – if it meant he could turn back and run.

Damn his pride.

His doom awaited.

---

Naruto should've known Kakashi was going to be late, but he had hoped that things might have changed. How wrong was he? Heaving a sigh, he swiped viciously at the sweat threatening to drip into his eyes and signalled for his clone to come at him again.

He had arrived here at five in the morning – damn Sasuke for making him think too much – and had decided to get in some of this own training before seven-thirty came around. He had created several clones and the light spar that was supposed to keep him occupied for the next few hours escalated to a full out battle when one of the clones became a little too competitive. It was now a quarter to eight – a dozen or so trees had been sacrificed to the powers that be as a battle of rasengan ended without a clear winner and Naruto was ready to collapse – and still no show. Kakashi was going to get an earful when he arrived.

Making himself straighten, he glared death at the two remaining clones, who were also in the same condition as him. He clenched his fists, and while his body protested and yelled at him to call a time-out, he coiled his aching muscles and was about to launch himself at his clones when he was saved from his own destruction. Neji appeared at the edge of the training area, looking both impressed and amused.

Dropping his fighting stance and gulping down the sweet, sweet air his burning lungs were demanding, Naruto waved a flopping arm at the Hyuuga as a greeting of sorts and hoped Neji would take the hint and come closer. He wasn't wasting his energy in shouting out his sentences. And just like he had hoped, the older teen sauntered over and stood just out of reach, observing everything with his Byakugan.

“I must say, Naruto, your clones are starting to be better than you.”

Still trying to catch his breath, he could only manage to give Neji the one finger salute which earned him an amused smirk, while his also exhausted clone exclaimed a squeak of joy. Bastards, the lot of them!

“What... you doing... here?” Naruto managed to growl out.

A languid shrug and Neji leant backwards onto the remains of a demolished tree. “Just going to do some training.”

Snorting as best as he could, Naruto wobbled to the bottle of water he had left beside his discarded jacket and scoffed. “You have a whole compound to train in. Why are you really out here, Neji?”

The lack of a reply made him growl in mock frustration and Naruto narrowed his eyes a little before letting the matter go. Neji could keep his secrets for all he cared. “Fine, don't tell me then.” He added a pout for good measure.

Still no response. Huffing at his failed attempts at extracting an answer from the Hyuuga, Naruto swallowed a good half of the bottle and set it down. Glancing over, he found his clones also recovering from the strenuous work out and he groaned in exasperation when the telltale gleam of doom entered both their eyes. Here comes another round....

“So has Sakura given you the third degree for not protecting her Lee's eyebrows?” Neji asked conversationally, which had Naruto glancing up in surprise because the Hyuuga was hardly the conversational type.

“Yes,” he muttered and stretched his arms above his head to try to get his muscles to relax a bit before he had to go and abuse them again. “Did she yell at you too?”

“Yes.” The answer was curt and to the point, and Naruto snorted.

“And you just let her yell while you stood there impassively, didn't you?”

“I was before she started putting her gloves on.”

Naruto cackled and could see the image of a rather panicked Neji trying to calm an enraged Sakura before she could punch him into next week, or the next month if she was in a particular foul mood. Letting his arms drop back to his sides, he made a face at how his too loose T-shirt was now stuck to his skin and hurriedly stripped out of it. Yes, Kakashi was definitely going to be deaf when he arrives. How long had he been working out?

He dropped the limp bundle to the ground and turned back to Neji. “Hey Neji....” He let the sentence trail off and watched dumbly as an equally shocked Hyuuga stared back at him. Was there something on his face? Did he grow a second head? What the hell?

Unnerved by the intense stare – the Byakugan was still activated – Naruto opened his mouth to ask just what the hell was Neji staring at when something peeked out of the other teen's nose. He grimaced while his mind screamed 'ew booger!' in the most childish voice he could summon.

“Um, no offense man, but you need to,” Naruto paused and watch with wide eyes as said booger, well not a booger now that it continued its descent. “Oh shit man.” He hurriedly snatched up his shirt and moved towards a still stunned Neji. “Are you all right? You're bleeding.”

That seemed to snap the Hyuuga out of whatever world he had disappeared off to. A hand quickly snapped up to touch his heated face and Neji almost eeped when Naruto reached for him with his shirt.

“Hey are you – ” Naruto backed off a little, not sure why Neji was so jumpy all of a sudden.

“Uh, yes! I have to go!” And with that the Hyuuga hightailed it out of there as if Naruto was infected with some sort of highly contagious disease that could be passed on just by looking.

“W-wait!” Naruto scratched at his head and scowled. “Neji you ass! Come back here and explain what the hell just happened!”

“Explain what?” Whipping around, he found himself starring at a curious Kakashi who was staring down at his chest.

His chest! Oh shit! Was Neji staring at his nipple ring before? The pervert!

---

(Onwards to part 2)